I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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