He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Found the puke drawer
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
