Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
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