even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
