capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
