as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
