I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
