I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
