kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
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