I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
