there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Randomize
