Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
