I CAN MOONWALK!
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
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