Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
