why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Randomize
