Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
