im drinking this country out of the recession.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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