what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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