If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
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