My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
They left me at home... I'm a liability
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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