Soap is not a condiment
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
