tonight lets celebrate not being married
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Randomize
