My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
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