u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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