Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
