I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
