if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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