Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
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