You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
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