this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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