If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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