its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
