I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Randomize
