now i know why i became what i already was.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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