i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
