just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
