apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Randomize
