all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
sarcasm needs its own font
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
