I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Randomize
