Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Randomize