Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
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