Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Randomize
