thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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