In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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