So its not gay if you have sex with another woman and its academic
so what if I'm having sex with a woman for recreation?
Thats gay
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
