this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
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There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
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His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
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