I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
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got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
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My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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