I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
