is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
