It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
