I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
