At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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