google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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