i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
