How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Randomize