Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
