I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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