11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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