I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
