The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
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Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
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I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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