Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
how does that bad decision feel?
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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