the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
me + whiskey = a bad person
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize
