I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
