the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
if i died would you start the facebook group?
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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