I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
